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Postpartum depression (PPD) is like a storm that hits without warning, making both partners wonder what happened to the life they once knew. It leaves new moms drowning in negative emotions they can’t control—sadness, anxiety, irritability. But PPD doesn’t just affect the person going through it—it impacts the entire relationship with their partner. And unless both partners understand what’s happening, it can pull them apart.
That being said, let's break down how postpartum depression affects partner relationships exactly to help those affected prevent it from tearing their relationships down.
What Is Postpartum Depression?
Different types of depression are prevalent across the US. The situation is especially alarming in states like Texas and Georgia, that have recently been ranked as the worst for mental health. Postpartum depression is a type of depression that can strike within weeks after childbirth or even months later, completely out of nowhere. Partners often don’t see it coming, Postpartum depression (PPD) is like a storm that hits without warning, making both partners wonder what happened to the life they once knew. It leaves new moms drowning in negative emotions they can’t control—sadness, anxiety, irritability. But PPD doesn’t just affect the person going through it—it impacts the entire relationship with their partner. And unless both partners understand what’s happening, it can pull them apart.
That being said, let's break down how postpartum depression affects partner relationships exactly to help those affected prevent it from tearing their relationships down.
PPD ranges in intensity.
Some women might find themselves feeling completely numb—as if they’re going through the motions but aren’t present. Others might be consumed with worry and unable to sleep even when the baby is quiet.
And let’s not forget the guilt—the nagging feeling that they should be happier, more grateful, or more in love with their new life.
How Postpartum Depression Affects Partner Relationships
Emotional Distance Sets In
When postpartum depression kicks in, it may feel like the person you love is slipping away. They might appear lost in their thoughts, dominated by feelings they can’t control.
Conversations that used to come effortlessly start to feel forced or become entirely nonexistent. It’s not that they don’t want to connect, though. It’s just that PPD makes it incredibly hard to do so.
The partner on the other side often feels confused or hurt, thinking:
"What did I do wrong?"
The answer is nothing.
This emotional distance is a symptom of PPD, not a reflection of the relationship.
Communication Breaks Down
Communication is often the first casualty when PPD is in the mix. The person experiencing PPD might struggle to express what they’re feeling, leading to misunderstandings.
On the other hand, the partner might feel like they’re constantly walking on eggshells, not sure how to help or even what to say. Small issues can, all of a sudden, turn into arguments and leave both partners frustrated. Meanwhile, the usual back-and-forth dialogue turns into a guessing game, with both sides often missing the mark.
Physical Intimacy Declines
Physical intimacy usually takes a backseat when PPD is involved. The person going through it might feel too exhausted or disconnected to engage in closeness. That doesn't involve sex, though—sometimes, even a simple hug or touch can be too overwhelming. That can feel like rejection for the partner, which only adds to the stress. As a result, both partners might start to pull away, creating a tough physical and emotional gap to bridge.
Stress And Tension Increase
The stress of PPD can turn everyday challenges into major hurdles. Both partners might feel under constant pressure—one overwhelmed by their emotions, the other trying to keep everything from falling apart.
That can lead to resentment, as the partner without PPD might feel like they're shouldering most of the responsibilities. Meanwhile, the person with PPD might feel guilty for not being able to do more. That results in tension building up that makes even small problems feel insurmountable.
How To Minimize The Impact Of PPD On Partner Relationships
As you can see, postpartum depression affects partner relationships as a whole.
The emotional distance, communication breakdowns, lack of physical intimacy, and increased stress all combine to create a challenging environment. If left unaddressed, these issues can create a rift between partners that’s hard to mend.
While there's only so much you can do about preventing PPD, there are ways to minimize the toll it takes on both you and your partner.
1. Open Up The Lines Of Communication
Talking might be the last thing anyone wants to do when things get tough. Regardless, both partners must express their feelings—even if it’s messy or hard to put into words.
The person with PPD might struggle to describe what’s going on inside, but even saying, “I’m not okay right now,” can be a powerful step. In the meantime, the partner should listen without trying to fix everything right away, as just being heard can make a huge difference.
Conversely, the partner should also share their feelings—whether frustration, confusion, or concern. Keeping those emotions bottled up only leads to more distance.
2. Pursue Professional Help
Don’t try to go through this alone. Postpartum depression can profoundly affect partner relationships, leading to increased tension and misunderstandings. Accessing specialized care can make a significant difference in these scenarios, so don’t hesitate to seek professional help. If you live in Georgia, where in 2021 approximately 1 in 10 adults in the state experienced symptoms of major depression, many accredited mental health facilities can offer comprehensive support to overcome depression and improve your relationship during this challenging period.
Understanding the availability of such support systems in states like Georgia underscores the need for partners to engage in therapeutic approaches, ensuring both individuals receive the necessary care and guidance during this critical time.
Don’t wait until things feel unmanageable, though—reaching out to the right facility on time can prevent much pain.
3. Stay Connected, Even In Small Ways
Sex may be off the table for a while. But you know what the truth is? You don't need it to remain close.
Small acts, like holding hands, sitting close while watching TV, or simply checking in with each other throughout the day, are just as effective for staying connected.
4. Set Realistic Expectations
Both partners must recognize that things won’t be ''normal'' for a while. Not to mention, trying to force things back to how they were before the baby or expecting the person with PPD to just snap out of it is unrealistic and unfair.
Instead, focus on small victories—like a day with fewer arguments or a moment of shared laughter. In other words, celebrate progress, no matter how small, and be patient, most of all.
5. Share The Load
The partner without PPD might feel like they have to take on everything, including household chores and baby care. While being supportive is important, it's also important to avoid burnout. Ask for help from family and friends, or turn to a professional when needed.
The person with PPD should also contribute however they can, even if it's just a little. Despite the unevenness, sharing the load can prevent one partner from feeling overwhelmed or resentful.
6. Educate Yourselves
Understanding PPD is half the battle. Thus, both partners should take the time to learn about the condition through books, online resources, or by talking to a healthcare professional. Knowing what to expect during the postpartum period can help both partners feel more in control. It also makes it easier to be compassionate with each other—realizing that PPD is an illness, not a personal failing, can shift the perspective from blame to support.
7. Make Time For Each Other
Don't let the relationships take a backseat when PPD is at play! Make time for one another!
Of course, this doesn’t have to be complicated—it can be as simple as spending 15 minutes together after the baby is asleep talking. In truth, even being in the same space counts—as long as it's intentional.
Support Each To Minimize The Impact Of Postpartum Depression
Birth alone is a traumatic experience that requires healing and may cause a physical rift between partners. But when postpartum depression enters the mix, the rift becomes emotional, too. While postpartum depression affects partner relationships in multiple ways, that doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. The strategies we discussed above are there to help. And though they won't make PPD disappear, they'll help keep the relationship strong while you work through it. Recovery won't come overnight; we won't lie. But you're on the right path if you support each other when things aren't perfect.
Meta description: Discover how postpartum depression affects partner relationships and what you can do to minimize the impact it has on your relationship.
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